I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
