Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
