Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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