I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
