my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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