like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
