I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
