we're chasing vodka with high fives
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
