As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
