My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
