im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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