I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
