just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
