I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i think i just lost a toe
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
