I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
