wanna go halves on a baby?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
