he shaved USA in his pubs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
