im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
