I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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