I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
