i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
