i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
