if i can run in heels then i can drive
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
