All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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