So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
