Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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