we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
