I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
