Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
