Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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