this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
