soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
