hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
