If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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