dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
