I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
