Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
