I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
