Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
