Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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