Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
