wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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