I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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