Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
