Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No subtext here. People are naked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
