We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
