So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
