i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
