Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
