dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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