Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
