I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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