Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
