im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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