This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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