Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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