I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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