I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
