we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
