Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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