Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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