Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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