went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
