Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
