Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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