remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Randomize
