i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
